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Wouldn't it be funny if a bell went bounce but a ball if it should fall went clang? Wouldn't it be funny if a crisp went fizz while the cola in a bottle went crack? Wouldn't it be funny if a fist went sshhh but a feather when it fell went whack? Wouldn't it be funny? Well, wouldn't it be funny?

Well, wouldn't it be funny like that? The Naming of the Animals What would you call this animal, Adam? He's proud and he prowls and he roars, He's stronger than anyone else I made His coat is the colour of straw. What would you call this animal, Adam? Her neck stretches up to the trees, She has four legs as skinny as sticks And four very knobbly knees.

What would you call this animal, Adam, With a tube instead of a nose? His ears are like clothes on a washing line And he hurrumphs wherever he goes. Her skin is as tough as old rope, A horn sticks up on the end of her nose And mud is her favourite soap. He swoops from the sky for his lunch, He knits his own house from branches and leaves And swallows a mouse with a crunch.

What would you call this person, Adam? I want her to be your best friend. Make sure you love her with all of your heart And stay by her side 'til the end. What Am I? This bow is made of sunshine This bow is made of rain This bow is many-coloured This bow says not again. Words I Like Billowing, seaboard, ocean, pearl, Estuary, shale, maroon; Harlequin, runnel, ripple, swirl, Labyrinth, lash, lagoon.

Razorbill, cygnet, songbird, kite, Cormorant, crag, ravine; Flickering, sun-burst, dappled, flight, Fiery, dew, serene.

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Asteroid, nova, star-dust, moon, Galaxy, zone, eclipse; Dynamo, pulsar, planet, rune, Satellite, spangle, lips. Boulevard, freeway, turnpike, cruise, Chevrolet, fin, pavanne; Tomahawk, firecrest, fantail, fuse, Saskatchewan, Sioux, Cheyenne. Tenderness, sweetheart, cherish, miss, Paramour, fond, befriend; Affection, cosy, cuddle, kiss, Family, love, the end.

Rhythm and Rhyme Heartbeat I can hear my heart beat — Lying in my bed, I can feel the blood rush Pounding in my head, Beating like a bass drum In an empty room, I can hear my heart beat Boom-de, boom-de, boom. Seasons Spring, summer, autumn, winter Every year the same — Round and round the seasons go Like a party game. Spin the leaves from green to brown Spin them on to gold, Turn the weather up to hot Turn it down to cold. Chase the clouds across the sky Paint a yellow sun, Then the rain comes tumbling down Spoiling all our fun. Spring, summer, autumn, winter Every year the same — Round and round the seasons go Like a party game.

Drip Drip Drip Drip drip drip Goes the tap tap tap And tap tap tap Goes the twig twig twig And rustle rustle rustle Goes the wind wind wind And shudder shudder shudder Goes the pipe pipe pipe And creak creak creak Goes the floor floor floor And mumble mumble mumble Goes the telly next door. Rustle, shudder, tap and drip Rumble, mumble, creak and snore How can children sleep at night When the house begins to roar? Breathing I'm very good at breathing, I do it every day, I didn't have to learn it, For I was born that way.

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Into the world I bounded, At 15 breaths per min, That's 15 puffing out bits And 15 sniffing in. I don't know how I do it, I've never had to think. How do I make my heart beat? Who taught me how to blink? I'm very good at breathing, I do it slow and deep, I do it fast and shallow, I do it in my sleep. Boring Boring Boring There's nothing left for me to do I'm bored with them I'm bored with you I'm bored with staying in my room I'm bored with going shopping too I'm bored with sleep I'm bored in bed I'm bored with all the food I'm fed I'm bored out of my boring head I feel as if I'm boring dead.

I'm bored with clouds I'm bored with rain I'm bored with my computer game I'm bored that everything's the same I'm bored with being bored again. I'm bored with writing boring rhymes About my boring boring times And so I'll finish InterCity Train We're on the InterCity train Rolling along the tracks again Calling at A and B and C Serving coffee and cakes and tea Rattling past the backs of houses Lines of socks and shirts and trousers Football nets and cricketing creases Cars and bikes all left in pieces.

Through the curtains, the lighted halls Posters hanging from bedroom walls Silhouette heads through frosted glass Spades and barrows in jungle grass Gaggles of geese and flocks of birds Bridges and walls with painted words Towering chimneys belching clouds Summery parks with swarming crowds. Whistling past the names of places Platforms left as empty spaces Banks of bushes to left and right Tunnelling dark and into light Smouldering leaves on garden fires Miles and miles of telegraph wires Lights that change from orange to red Cows and sheep that need to be fed. We're on the InterCity Train Rolling along the tracks again Calling at A and B and C Serving coffee and cakes and tea Drawing near our destination Meeting friends outside the station Pack your bags and close your cases It's such fun to go to places.

Like This As tough as nails As soft as soap As short as shoes As long as rope. As nice as pie As good as gold As smooth as new As rough as old.

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As then as was As now as is As bad as that As good as this. My love is like a red red rose Her body's green and thin, And when I try to squeeze her waist She sticks her prickles in. My love is like a red red rose She's wilting by the hour, It makes no sense to fall in love With someone like a flower.

What Have You Done to the Wind? What have you done to the wind, now, And why is it moaning outside? Why is it screaming through keyholes And why is it trying to hide? Why is it banging the gate shut And causing the gutter to leak? Why is it howling like hound dogs Which haven't been fed for a week? What have you done to the wind, now, And why is it drunk in the street? Why is it tossing our tiles down And trampling our plants with its feet?

Why is it climbing the tree-tops While shaking the leaves to the ground? Why is it hurling our bin-lids And making a frightening sound? What have you done to the wind, now, To make it so terribly mad? Did you slash the air with a golf club Or whisper a word that was bad? Did you stab the breeze with your finger Or dice it to bits with your car? With weather you have to be careful, For wind always knows where you are. Sun Lightbringer Joymaker Nightchaser Cloudshaker.

Foodgrower Gloomfighter Heatgiver Moonlighter. Sleepender Icebreaker Leafrouser Plantwaker. Skinbrowner Nosepeeler Feetwarmer Hearthealer. Butterflies I've got butterflies in my stomach, And elephants in my head, My heart's turned into a kangaroo. Why can't they go to bed?

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It's Raining Cats and Dogs It's raining cats and dogs — The sky is growing dark, Instead of pitter-patter It's splatter, yowl and bark. Bulldogs bounce on bonnets, Alsatians hang in trees, Poodles land on policemen And bring them to their knees. Tabby cats come squealing Like rockets overhead, Siamese look worried At pavements turning red. It's raining cats and dogs, Although it shouldn't oughta.

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Next time I pray for rain, I'll add that I mean water. No one knows who's rich or poor Or who drives what year's car; When skin is all you have to wear You are just what you are. Managers of city banks Who like their suits well pressed, Show skin which was all crumpled up Beneath their clean white vests. Bellies which were proudly slapped While drinking at The Grapes, Are bulging like the mammoth fronts Of hairy jungle apes.

Girls who think they're movie stars Don't look the stuff of dreams, When hair is flat and dripping wet And face is washed of creams.

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Tough kids lose their shoulder pads, Their belts and buckles, too; It's hard to look a thug in trunks When ribs are showing through. Policemen out of uniform And choir boys without smocks, Punks without their safety pins And girl guides without socks.

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Pop stars without microphones And waiters without tips, Nuns without their habits on And jockeys without whips. Queens without their studded crowns And bakers without buns, Tramps without their plastic bags And soldiers without guns. Ballet dancers without tights And teachers without school, Everyone is what they are Beside the summer pool. You were a song that had yet to be sung, You were a word on the tip of a tongue, You were a plan chalked up on a board You were a gleam in the eye of the Lord.

On scraps of grubby paper In marks of ancient ink, A secret from another age Returns to cause a stink. They say it's so explosive The army has been called, A policeman who just looked in Went absolutely bald. If it was ever spoken All switchboards would be jammed, The government would argue That such things should be banned. If nuclear strikes were threatened They'd open up the box, And shout the horrid word out Then everything would stop.